Sunday, March 04, 2012

How Not to Cancel Plans

I had plans the other night which were cancelled.
These things happen. I am totally fine with that.  Life happens, things come up and plans change. I adjust. 
What I do take issue with is the way that cancellations can sometimes go.
(This applies to friends and dates, not necessarily parties when the host is usually busy with a billion other things, unless of course you are the date of the host or whatnot!)

1.  If I have to call you to verify we have plans::  I immediately have a bad feeling in my stomach if I need to call you/text you to verify the plans for our meeting.  I like knowing where and when to meet you in advance of the day of said plans. If you verify we do have plans for that day (on that day), don't cancel them an hour later. Simply cancel then and there, with a heartfelt apology.  I have likely spent time and money in advance to see you and turned down other social functions.

2.  If you fail to apologize::  If you fail to utter an "I'm sorry" to me for cancelling plans, I have a hard time judging if you actually are sorry.  It's hurtful.  It means that whatever you are going through trumps the fact that we made plans and now I get to spend quality time with my cat (who will certainly not appreciate my new hairdo, shaved legs or Givenchy lipstick).  Just tell me how sorry you are. Simple.

3.  If you do not contact me on the phone - but text me instead::  Texting is not a suitable form of communicating for cancelling plans.  You should call to cancel.  That allows me to hear
a) how sick you are
b) how sorry you are (there's that apology)
c) the ability to reschedule in person rather than email or via text

The phone is a far more personal approach that simply typing up a quick "hey, can't make it tonight". A cancellation over the phone is more sincere and giving us both an opportunity to hear tone, vocal inflections and hopefully sincerity.

When did we lose our ability to connect with people in a civilized manner?

One of the best dates I ever had happened after a cancellation.  While he was unable to make our original date, he called to apologise, rescheduled another time (therefore definitely letting me know he wanted to see me) and when we met up, he apologised again for cancelling and definitely made up for it. I was even informed by a friend of his we ran into (while he was using the restroom) that he had felt really bad for not making our last date. Bonus points by telling your friend you felt bad.

My recent cancellation would have been fine too...had he followed the above basic social niceties.  In  all fairness he was sick and he did try to reschedule (although I knew he was going to be busy and rushing to fit me in - so I suggested another time, but he was busy).

We have yet to reschedule. I have been trying to determine if I am into him because I 'think' I am...but this recent cancellation has me on the edge.

No comments: